If you read my last blog, From Stone to Flesh. A Heart Less Heavy, you know that God has made me the opposite of who I was. I don’t struggle with most of the sins of my previous self. I have found that the more time I spend with God, the less I get caught up in those shortcomings.
But some thorns remain. Some thorns I have to pray against often. One in particular has to be crucified daily.
Ask anyone who knows me to describe the way I was. Inevitably the words cocky, arrogant, etc. will work themselves into the description.
People have always said that there is a difference between confidence and pride. I’ve always felt like that difference is a razor’s edge. That it’s such a fine line to walk.
I am a lot less prideful now. However, I still find pride creeping its way in. It’s not that I feel the need to posture to cover some insecurity like I used to. Quite the opposite actually. I know who I am in Christ. I’m confident that I have sinned, that I denied God, that He never stopped loving me or pursuing me, that He proved himself to me and that He now fills all of the gaps of brokenness that I had.
I just want to help people and therein lies the problem…
I can quickly (and most of the time, accurately) assess what is going on with people in their lives. I am a Type A personality. I always drive forward. I find solutions. I fix things.
Except the sink. I don’t do sinks.
What I’ve found is that this comes across as extremely prideful. To be clear- this is not my intent. My intent is to help people walk in their freedom in Christ. To be free of their sin and bondage. My Type A self pushes through with efficient solutions and attack plans.
This is taken as prideful by those I’m trying to help. They view this assessment of their problems as judgement. They view telling them what they need to do as cold. And at this point they aren’t interested in attack plans.
So, I have to ask: Is it pride?
The honest answer is…YES. Correction is supposed to be gentle and with love in this area.
I was approaching people the same way I was approaching problems at my job. Assessment (identify the problem), come up with what the ultimate solution is, lay out actions to achieve said solution. But, these aren’t problems…these are PEOPLE. They deserve patience, love and HUMILITY.
God taught me that valuable lesson. I now rise daily, get on bended knee and ask God to crucify this pride that keeps creeping its way in under my good intentions. You see, I know that razor’s edge of confidence and pride is a lie. Because they should be separated by a mile wide plain of humility.
I know I will get there. Someday I will be proud to be humble.
See what I mean?